I feel as though I'm old enough now to have an honest clue about myself. There's no more trying to be who I'm not in order to fit in or to stand out. This is what brings me to tonight's lesson.
I'm a middle I the road kind of gal. I like to get along with everyone and try to find some common ground but I also don't care to spend large amounts of energy developing new friendships with people I can't relate to. After many years I finally found a couple of friends who truly get me. We are each very different and yet our hearts are the same. Cheesy I know, but truly they are the best. I love them deeply and actually cried when my husband (then boyfriend) discussed my moving here because I'd be so far away. I now live a couple hours away and rarely get to see them these days. When I'm in town they're always happy to see me but I won't lie, it stings a little that they don't make more of an effort to visit me. It only stngs a little. I know how life gets and that each of them have their own challenges and everything else about them is so spectacular that I try not to let the distance factor get me down.
Having such great friends makes it difficult for me to make new great friends in this far away town. I now know what an unconditionally accepting friendship looks like and I've become a bit of a friend snob. I want nothing less from the people I spend time with. As a result, I make a lot of acuaintances and hve a few people I'd even call friends, but no "good" friends.
Tonight my husband and I went to movie night at "the heathen house". This was our first time meeting these people and neither of is really knew what to expect. My observations tell me It's a group of college kids who know they want to be different than the mainstream but are stillfinding out how to accomplish it. Let's just say some of them are a little over the top. I get it, I've been there too. Many years ago. I just feel too old for that shit anymore. So while they were nice enough, I don't see any hope of connecting with them as friends.
In this little town we've hung out with hicks, Mormons, and anti Mormons. We fit comfortably in with not a one of any them. It's tough for me sometimes but I know that my husband especially takes this hard. He's a quiet guy but still likes to socialize. We would love to have group of friends we can invite over for beers or camp with or go fishing with or watch movies with, etc etc.We just can't seem to find anyone quite like us up here. We aren't "for" or "against" anything. Except maybe that we're "for" getting along with everyone and "against" extremism and disrespect.
That seems to leave us in between of all of the different groups up here. We are not a part of a church ward but we're not in any anti church groups either. I consider myself Christian but not of any particular denomination. Who knew this place would be so polarized?
I do realize that there are very few places where people can mingle in large quantities so it cuts down on the number of opportunities one gets to meet new people. I'll be honest, I don't see any hope of making long lasting friends here. Depressing but true.
It takes me back to my entire childhood. I rarely felt like someone's "best" friend and whenever I did it was somewhat short lived. I always thought that would change when I was an adult. People would realize how cool and nice and fun and entertaining I was and want to be around me. And then I'd get discovered at karaoke and be famous. Life has reminded me tonight that some things never change. Most nights I'm ok with that. But tonight...well it brings a lady down.
Good night folks and if you have close friends near you, give them a great big hug for me. :)
-middle ground Molly
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